Be warned! This entry is pretty long, and is packed full of Erik and I being total asses.  Not willingly, of course.

Its Mahos (my host sister) birthday tomorrow, and I decided I would go to Namba today to buy her a present. Since nobody likes to travel alone, I asked Erik to come with me. Whether that was a good decision or a bad one, Im not sure. What I DO know, however, was that today was the most embarrassing day I have ever experienced in my life.

I should also say, that Japanese girls find foreigners (especially white ones) pretty fascinating and cool. So we are used to the staring and the whispers and such. Especially when we acknowledge them, even with a simple hi. It usually results in them jumping around and giggling. We decided to say hi to every one of them that stared at us today, just for shits and giggles. Except, it didnt really work out as planned...

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We hop on the subway first, and take a little detour to Shinsaibashi so I can get some money out of the bank to take care of the days shopping endeavors. We walk into the small stuffy room, only big enough for two ATMs, and go for the one on the left. As Im putting in my pin number and everything, two more people--a mother and daughter--walk in, and take the one remaining ATM. Now, I see out of the corner of my eye that they are foreigners, which isnt too rare in Shinsaibashi (but is everywhere else). But Erik, I guess, doesnt notice. Of course, having been here for ten months, we are used to being able to talk around Japanese people, and not have to worry about them understanding what we are saying. So Erik, taking this for an advantage, circles around behind me and says, in a perfectly loud, audible voice, "Two ugly bitches right next to us," echo, echo, echoooo... I instantly go rigid, both with complete embarrassment, and with the effort its taking me not to burst out laughing. I could hardly move my fingers properly, and ended up entering some ridiculously huge amount for the ATM to withdraw for me. Tens of thousands of yen over the daily limit, in fact, so I have to start over, all the while completely aware that the couple beside us heard what Erik said, and are trying as hard as I am to get out as soon as possible. Seconds after he said it, Erik looks at the two again, then says, in the same perfectly audible voice, "And they are foreign, and probably understood every word I just said." I finally tear my eyes away from the ATM screen, now brimming with tears of suppressed laughter, and nod.

I put in the right amount for the ATM to take out this time, but that turns out to be over the limit as well. Erik is meanwhile coming to realize what a complete ass he had just been, and goes completely red, also trying almost futily to keep from laughing. I pound in the amount I want again, and the ATM starts whirring and... calculating I guess, but once again refuses me my money.

"What the hell!" I say, "Give me my money!" This was apparently enough to send Erik over the edge, who starts laughing hysterically, clutching his stomach. The couple next to me, who have of course noticed Eriks laughter, thought he was laughing at my inability to withdraw money. So the girl, who cant have been more than 12 years old, leans around the divider between machines and says, in a voice dripping with obvious hatred, "Having a little trouble?"

With a little snort and a soft choke, I muster up the amazingly coherent reply, "Uh, ::cough:: uh, no. No, it wont give me my money." Great answer, dumbass. That doesnt sound like a problem at all!

Then, with the deftness and agility of a piano maestro, I quickly imput a number I know will work, wait for the process, and take my money, with those eyes full of pure loathing on me the entire time. I grab Erik by the shoulder and march him out of the bank, into the MacDonalds next door, and collapse with laughter and embarrassment. Erik is probably laughing harder than me, and even harder when I start telling him how stupid he was for what just happened.

Okay, whatever. Whats done is done. We'll never see those two again, so lets just get our McShakes and get on with the shopping.

I need to buy an elbow supporters for Judo, so we head for Spotaka first, still laughing at and slapping ourselves for the incident at the ATM. Nothing too bad happened during this time; I get in, buy my supporter, and we leave. A mission success.

We figure it would be better to buy Maho's present back in Abeno, so we hop on the train and go back. And thats where it all went down hill...

As soon as we get off the train, we head for Miho, a big shopping mall thing with all sorts of... stuff. You know, to buy. As we are heading for the Miho entrance, Erik spots two fairly cute girls coming out of the door, and instantly decides he's going to say hi to them, and redeem his horrible fiasco from before. As we get within hearing distance, he waves, puts on his best Collgate smile and says, "Hey." The usual response from the receiving end of the greeting is a lot of giggling, squeeling, and talks of how cool the foreigners are. But this girl looks at us kind of strangely, and utters a simple "Hi" in response, and keeps walking. Erik, once again laughing at his own embarrassment and slight disappointment, walks through the Miho entrance. Or what we thought was the Miho entrance. Eriks determination to redeem himself had actually brought us to the backside Miho parking lot. Which has nothing to do with us, considering our inability to drive. So, we stand there for a couple seconds to catch our bearings, all the while people are walking by us, no doubt talking about what a couple of stupid foreigners we are.

After a bit of a laugh at our own stupidity, we turn around and head in the other direction, making sure to go slow so that we dont pass the two girls from before. We get into Miho safely and board the elevator. I dont even know what floor I have to go to, so without looking at the guide, I slap the 5 button on the side panel. A man is standing at the front of the elevator near the doors, holding a baby in his arms, looking poisitively distressed. He leans down to push that Door Close button, but had to use his elbow because of the burden he was carrying. After going at it for a couple of seconds, the doors start to close on their own. BUT! A split second before the doors decided to close, I decided to be a nice guy and push the Door Close button with my perfectly unburdened hands. Oddly enough, however, the doors open again less than halfway through closing.

"Dude," Erik says from the other side of the elevator, "You just pushed the Door Open button, ass." I look again at the buttons on the side panel, and there it was, practically flashing at me like a bright neon sign: two arrows pointing in opposite directions. For the second time in one day, I find myself blushing and turning away in shame while Erik pushes the correct button. As the elevator ascends, and Im facing in the other direction, I notice the floor map above the mirror fastened to the back wall of the elevator. Floor Five, where we are currently heading: Mens Fashion. Well that just wont do, I need to buy a present for a girl. So I turn back, press the correct button, number 8, and wait, leaning against the wall. The elevator stops, the doors slide open, aaaaand... nothing happens. Nobody gets in, nobody gets out. Shit, I think, this must be the fifth floor. The guy with the baby looks outside in both directions, then turns and looks at us. And by us, I mean me. His face contorts into that, "thanks for wasting my time, jerk" face, and he proceeds again with his task of pushing the Door Close button with his elbow. This time, after having wronged the man a second time, I have my mind set on making it better, so I push the Door Close button myself, filling with pride as the doors close... and open again. Erik lets out a snort of repressed laughter and turns the other way to hide his face. The baby guy turns around and glares at me again, this time with a face that clearly said, "Youre doing this on purpose, arent you?", and I soon realize that I had once again pressed the wrong button. Putting on my best apology face, I quickly push the proper button, and the doors close, and stay that way, finally.

At last! The 8th floor! Finally I can get out of this prison of embarrassment! Unfortunately for us, however, we were only walking into a future full of even more shameful events.

Part II to come later

Well this past week hasnt been too eventfull. We went to some temple/castle type thing in Umeda city, but it wasnt all that interesting. It was big and pretty and all, and pretty cool because its like a billion years old, but we werent allowed to go inside, so I didnt really enjoy it that much. It was kinda cool going to the temple where the Last Samurai was filmed, though. It didnt look as pretty as it did in the movie, though. It was raining, so it was all pretty much just muddy. We did go to Osaka city afterwards, though, and just hung out for a couple hours.

Uh... other than that, not a whole lot has been happening; since I got here, everybody has been telling me to look forward to the blooming of the Sakura trees, and thats supposed to be happening pretty soon, so I guess Ill be dragged along somewhere to go look at them.

School starts Monday! ;-;